5 Hidden Habits That Quietly Damage Your Relationship

A relationship isn’t always sunshine, rainbows, and butterflies. You’ll go through ups and downs throughout its course. That’s a natural part of life. What matters is that you take steps to overcome life’s many challenges and work together as a team, allowing the relationship to grow.

Relationships don’t generally fall apart because of one specific event. They begin to come apart slowly, over time. It’s often the result of day-to-day actions that are subtle and unnoticed. These are the things that can do the most damage to your trust, intimacy, and connection.

Here we’ll explore five hidden habits that can quietly cause damage to your relationship.

1. Emotional Withholding

Emotional withholding is one of the most damaging habits for your relationship. This may include expressing affection minimally, shutting down during conflict, or avoiding opening up and being vulnerable. You may think this is an act of self-protection, but it’s a fast track to creating separation between you two.

When you choose not to share emotions, whether positive or negative, it’s actually hurting your needs from being met and the partnership as a whole. Emotional intimacy is largely built on open and honest communication, including expressing what you’re feeling.

Withholding can lead to one person feeling lonely, unimportant, or rejected. Instead, make the effort to practice being honest. Even small expressions will go a long way in building trust and deepening your bond.

2. Keeping Score

When you’re in a relationship, it shouldn’t be viewed as a competition. You’re supposed to do life together, as partners. Yet so often, people keep tallies of who did what household chore or how often a partner makes mistakes. Getting into this habit will start to cause long-term tensions and resentment.

Keeping score will shift your relationship focus from being a team to being competitors who are “against” each other. It makes the relationship transactional.

Start focusing on how you give to your partner without expecting anything in return. Openly talk about any perceived imbalances without accusatory language.

3. Passive Communication

As daily routines become more rote and structured, conversations also fall into this pattern. People stop having the important conversations as often, or avoid them altogether.

Avoiding direct communication about boundaries, wants, needs, and problems can cause a rift in the relationship. It’s replaced with sarcasm, dropping hints, or expecting your partner to read your mind. This subtle silence leads to misunderstandings and conflict.

Practice using more effective communication strategies. Be clear in your thoughts. Use “I” statements to avoid placing blame, but still express your feelings.

4. Neglecting Acts of Kindness

The beginning of a relationship is a special time, filled with small gestures like little surprises, thank-yous, and compliments. As time goes by, these cute acts often fall by the wayside.

These random acts of kindness matter for long-term health. They remind you that you’re important and connected to your partner.

If this is not occurring in your relationship, start finding ways to show your partner appreciation. Give them a hug. Leave a love note. Say an unexpected thank you.

5. Letting the Digital World Interfere

The world around us has become highly digitalized. Phones and laptops are invading personal time, giving the message that technology is more important than you are.

Being present with your partner is crucial for your relationship’s health. If your attention is constantly divided between your partner and your devices, it will start to make them feel undervalued and invalidated.

Start setting boundaries around your device use. This can include phone-free dinners, device-free bedrooms, or an evening routine where screen time ends at a set time.

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The habits that often harm our relationships the most aren’t always the obvious ones. Once you become more aware of the habits that are occurring within your relationship, you can start to make the appropriate changes. If you’re interested in exploring your part in these habits through couples counseling, contact us for a consultation.